the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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