im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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