Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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