No awkward lesbian experiences without me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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