Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
