walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this boner is exhausting
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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