OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
