Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
