WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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