The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
