I looked at my own cervix.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
