Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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