i just wanna soil my oats bro
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
