Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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