pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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