I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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