Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
