Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
