Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
