SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
