I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
