if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
