so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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