Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
