Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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