Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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