what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
