I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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