I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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