I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
