I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
