I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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