whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
