had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
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When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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