I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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