Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
