well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
