I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
