Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
