Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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