You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
