I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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