There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
