she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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