well you can't waste a boner
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
