In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Another day, another engagement, another cat
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
