last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
