I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
