Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
