I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
