Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
