happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
