I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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