I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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