Girls should come with a carfax report
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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