the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
