So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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