It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
third nipple confirmed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
