Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
