i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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