To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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