just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
