I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
