I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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