filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
