Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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