i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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